I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
