Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
