I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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