How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
