Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
