would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
