i don't plan on having that self control this summer
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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