She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
