i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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