What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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