3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
