Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
