taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
