My friends, they love my intelligence
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
