I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
