Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
