I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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