I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
