Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
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Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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