this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
