I feel like I'm in dance class right now
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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