Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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