i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
