If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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