We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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