Don't you send me to vm
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
