Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
