There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
