I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
