Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
