Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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