She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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