You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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