Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
