so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
