why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
