she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
