I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
