I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
