Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
