I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
