my mouth tastes like poor choices
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
