We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
