I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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