Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We are two peas in an std pod
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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