I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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