Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
