i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
