Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
