Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just found a bag of teeth...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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