so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
