I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
