I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How does it feel to date your dad?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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