we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
