it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
