i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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