just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
