She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
