Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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