So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
