do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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