Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
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Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
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We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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