found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
