my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
