Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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