Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
