yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't deserve a penis
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
