having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
