So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
