he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
