i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I need to stop coming to work sober
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
